Switching it up

I re-arranged my living room today!!! This is cause for major excitement because 1) it’s completely different from how it was when I was living with the ex for 5 years, 2) my lady friend came on Friday and spent the night for the first time in 3 months. I painted the living room a light gray and bought a nice coffee table from West Elm for the occasion. I’m planning on getting a new TV stand, a rug, and curtains. So it’s not completely finished quite yet, but it’s definitely already a change.  I had asked my LF to come over in case my coffee table came before I got home. She was very willing to come over. I had a sneaky suspicion she might stay over when she asked me to leave a towel out for her. We had a nice take out dinner and watched TV all night. A very low key Friday. When we went to bed (which was 9pm!), and because she didn’t initiate sex, I asked her how she felt about us. Her response was, “I don’t know. I’m still figuring it out. Is that ok?” Not sure what kind of response that was, but it made me a little sad. Except that she was in bed with me. I said it was ok, and then asked if it was ok that I wasn’t giving her her space as she had asked for more almost two months ago. She said it was ok. So after that, I was a little comforted by that response although I kept thinking that maybe she really does see me as friends as I went to sleep. Fast forward to the next morning, she woke me up with sex, as she often did when we were together. She claims that it was only because she wanted me to wake up, but I was so happy when she started. She didn’t let me do to much to her, opting to use my vibrator to finish herself off. She did that the last time we had sex too (over two months ago). Not sure what that’s about. I’d love to over think it, but I know it could be the fact that we’re not actually officially back dating yet. I used to be able to get her off, although it does take much longer. She’s the first woman I’ve ever been able to get off, and I LOVE it. So I hope that’s not collateral damage because of everything that’s happened between us.

I needed this change in the apartment. My ex and I moved into this apartment together. She decorated the place basically because I’m not much of a decorator. Everything reminded me of her. Everything still reminds me of her, although my feelings towards her have changed drastically. My LF has had some major input in the new makeover, and my hopes are that someday she might move in with me, since I have an extra bedroom. I know that’s very wishful thinking at this point, but one can only hope.

Just to give everyone some background information about my LF and I… We met almost a year ago now, at a party. I went home with her that same night, and after that we were like glue. Except for the fact that I was also dating another lady at the time. One who had her hooks into me so deep, it took almost 7 months for me to walk away from her. I assumed the week after I met my LF, the other lady would drop out of the game. However, she kept letting me back in her life, and I kept choosing LF over her. It’s unbelievable how on and off our relationship was. And after I finally broke it off with her, I was wracked with guilt about how terribly I treated her. So I broke it off with LF also. It wasn’t until then, did I finally make peace with how I treated the other woman and was able to be completely satisfied with my original decision to choose LF.

Fast forward to now more than two months after I lost two very beautiful women (inside and out) by my choice, I’ve finally been able to get back into LF’s life in a much more intimate way. All the signs are pointing towards the fact that she is going to let me back in her life. She’s letting me take her out to a fancy Thanksgiving dinner, which is 2 weeks away. We actually went grocery shopping together, and she let me buy her groceries. We haven’t done that since before we broke up. I like taking care of her. I make probably 3-4 times more money than she does. I love spoiling her. She deserves to be spoiled. She used to spoil me too. She would make me great home-cooked meals. We had awesome sex. She bought me flowers. She made me happy.

So now, I feel like it could go either way at this point. I do hope it goes the way I’d like it go, but I have also made peace with the fact that it could very likely go the opposite way. I actually made November 1st a goal as to how long I’d wait for her. I often jump right back into dating after a break up. But I’m continuing to wait for her. I know that if things don’t work out with her again, I will most definitely be able to meet many other beautiful women. I just would like that beautiful woman to be her. But the ball is completely in her court. She has to decide whether she’s ever going to trust me again after I broke her trust. I know that’s a tough decision. One that is not made in a matter of days or weeks. It could be months.

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