This is my general attitude. I like being out, especially when it’s warm out. Now that it’s getting frigid in these parts, it’s curbing my need to be out. This is the one thing that I don’t have in common with LF. I wonder if that’s a deal breaker. I feel like that was what I was feeling towards the end of the summer when I decided to break up with LF. I had felt like a whole summer had been wasted because she didn’t seem to want to go out or do anything. And I had missed out on a summer of fun with BG because she was always ready to do anything. I realized though after re-connecting with BG for a little bit that you can’t replace a natural connection with someone. You can’t force one. And having that natural connection someone is the best thing in the world.
I have that connection with LF. After everything I’ve done to her. We still connect. She seems to be very open to giving me another chance. We spent the whole day together on Sunday. This is the most time we’ve spent together since September. I took her shopping this weekend. Dropped quite a lot of money on her. I came across an article today talking about how some people spend close to $20,000 a year in dating expenses. I can kind of understand how that could happen. But, I want her to know how sorry I am about everything that has happened. And in my mind what happened was going to take more than just a couple bouquets of flowers. She could be using me. But I don’t think she’s that type of person. She said no one has even taken her shopping. That’s kind of sad to me. To think that no one she’s ever dated has ever thought to take her shopping. I know she has dated a ton of people and has been in love with a few I’m sure. No one took her shopping? That’s sad. We had a nice make out session at the end of the day. I can’t tell you how long I’ve been thinking about kissing her again.
We’re pretty much back to our regular level of physical affection now. She hasn’t let me stay over at her place yet, so we’re not having a ton of sex yet, but it’s slowly getting there I think. I love being out with her. I love that we hold hands and kiss in public. Not all the time, but enough to let everyone know we are together. I asked her to come over tomorrow night, which would be another first for us. Given that our first sleepover was almost two weeks ago, I am craving to sleep with her again. Not even to have sex, but just to sleep. I love sleeping with someone I like. Cuddling up with her. Now that the physical barrier has been broken between us, I won’t be hesitant to cuddle with her like I was the last time. I didn’t know where we were at that point. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, and she wasn’t making any moves towards me at first. That drove BG crazy. My hesitancy to making moves on her. I never felt like she desired me. I never felt like she was truly attracted to me. I thought I was being pretty overt about my intentions towards her. I would get as physically close to her as I could, but she never responded the same way. LF and I have an amazing physical connection. She is the first woman I have been with who was literally dripping wet for me. I mean, how do you walk away from that?
So while I may still think about BG and may continue to think about her for awhile, I can’t walk away from LF. I can’t give our connection up. I never intended to give our connection up. And I really hope we can get back on track soon. My mind is most definitely still one tracked. Consumed with trying to get back in LF’s good graces.