On Race and Aspirations


I came across the above post on my Tumblr and just had to post it on my blog. I’ve found such great comfort and peace after coming across other people’s stories through blogs. I started blogging about two years ago, and it’s become an addiction of sorts. If I don’t blog for awhile, I feel the need to. I don’t know anyone who reads my blog personally, so I’m humbled when people want to follow my story. Writing has helped me sort through events of my personal life. Well, mostly dating life, since that has played a major role in my life recently. I’m going to try to not let this new blog be all about my dating life. I want to write about my thoughts on current events and pop culture and OTHER events in my life that aren’t about women. Things may settle down with the obsessive posts anyway, depending on what happens with the LF. I feel like things are definitely looking up with her, although I do have pockets of insecurity here and there. Sometimes I get the feeling that she’s pushing me away, trying to insulate herself from me. It’s like she doesn’t want to show me that she’s all in like before. And I get that for now. But I still have to deal with it, and swallow my insecurity.

The Ferguson Ruling just came through. The whole issue of police brutality is saddening and depressing. There are so many instances of it even since the Ferguson shootings. Story after story of young black people being shot because of trigger happy police officers. There is something wrong with our system. There is something wrong with how we view and deal with race. I don’t know the solution. I don’t think I see race. I really don’t. I may have stereotypes about race, but when I look at someone, I don’t see their race. I never think of that as a good descriptor of someone. It may have something to growing up in a pretty diverse environment. I grew up in an Asian country, but went to an international school. My world was a mix of people from all over the world, and it actually is an awesome place for a kid to grow up in. So when people bring up the topic of race and how injustices happen to people every day because of their race, I wish everyone had grown up in the environment I did. When do people develop these deep-rooted beliefs that lead to stupid choices? At what age?? We need to figure this out to stop the cycle. Or more young black people are going to continue dying.

But then I think, what can I personally do about this? I don’t feel like I can really do anything about this. What could I possibly do to help this problem? Go out and protest? I love how people are protesting and shutting down bridges and tunnels in NYC. But what’s that going to solve? Besides get a little attention. And then after a few weeks, a new story will take its place. It depresses me to know that I am a peon in the system. I don’t have these grand plans to change the world. I admire people who want to change the world. I just want to survive the world. And it’s selfish. And hedonistic. But I try to be kind. I try to spread good in my life. I don’t have any religion. But I do try to be a good person. I think that’s really all I can do. And there are people out there I’m sure that would say I’m lazy and apathetic. If I want to do something, I need to get off my ass and get out there. But honestly, I have a pretty good life. And I help the people in my life. And I do what I can to make things better. That’s all one really can do with limited resources.


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