It’s 5 days into 2015 already. Life’s been busy. I started back to work again after a two week vacation. First day back is always brutal. But I survived, and my job always takes my mind off various women in my life. Phd and I have texted, talked, and Skyped since I left a week ago. We’re trying to make plans to meet up soon (within two weeks), not sure if it will actually happen. This long distance thing sucks. Part of me wonders if we should even start anything. We’ve only known each other for a week. We’ve hung out for less than 12 hours. We could call it quits right now, and no one would get hurt. We could blame it on the distance, which is a real issue between us. It would be mutual. I don’t think she wants a long distance relationship. However, every time I “see” her (on Skype), I’m reminded how attracted I am to her in every sense. Physically, intellectually, emotionally. We had a rare connection. And the more we talk and stay involved in each others’ lives, the more I want to explore this with her.
I have also had my first two tinder dates in the new year. Both of them duds. I can’t help but wonder if I’m not very much into the dating here because of Phd. I know I should continue to go on dates here because Phd and I aren’t even anything yet. But, on these two separate occasions, I felt absolutely nothing for the women. Almost bored. I really didn’t want to be there. There was no attraction in any sense. And it seemed mutual.
BG finally said that there was no immediate chance of us getting back together romantically. She even went so far to say that she was still uncomfortable being friends with me. Although the same day hours later, she was asking me what I was up to, saying she was thinking about whether to meet up with me. She drives me crazy. But I still want to be her friend. And be involved in her life in some way. I realized yesterday that I think I have finally moved on from LF. I no longer think about her constantly. Check her Instagram to see if she’s been active. Facebook stalk her. And when I do think about her, I don’t get sad. I especially don’t expect any contact from her, which is the most freeing part. I spent 3 months constantly on the edge of happiness and sadness depending on whether she texted or not. Fuck that. That’s a terrible way to live your life.
Plus, there are so many more women out here. Why be with someone that doesn’t care enough about you or isn’t interested in you anymore? If someone shows that they’re not interested anymore, move the fuck on. And that’s what I plan on doing.
I have two New Year’s resolutions. Keeping it simple this year.
1) Stop smoking (resolution for 5 years now)
2) Live unapologetically (I am far too worried about what others might think of my words, actions, and thoughts.)