Three little words, I don’t know…
Those three words can be so telling. Things with PhD quickly spiraled into the toilet last night, after she spent a week with me in the city. We had a great week together, again. Although there was one hiccup in the middle of it when her ex decided to “reconnect” with her and pour out her heart over text messages. PhD freely admits that she’s not over her ex and that she’s still in love with her ex. And that scares me. It also doesn’t help that Phd’s ex is apparently a rockstar in bed. I lost it one night when we were getting it on, and PhD stopped me and wanted me to do something different. I opened up to her and told her I felt threatened by her ex. Especially since they were in daily communication now, and that her ex lived in her city while I was 700 miles away. I got really emotional that night, but managed to say what I was feeling. Which was a first! So, yes, I still feel threatened by her sex rock star of an ex, but I do trust that PhD really does like me and treasures our relationship. I have made it very clear that cheating is a deal breaker for me.
Fast forward to last night, PhD knows BG is back in my life. BG has been asking me to help her with something major in her life. And I was contemplating it. However, I wanted to talk to PhD about it first, which I did last night. When PhD asked me if I would help BG, my answer was “I don’t know”, which was clearly the wrong answer.
Ironically, when BG was asking me to help her, she asked me specifically if my significant other(PhD) had a problem with me helping her, would I still help her (BG). My answer to her was also, “I don’t know”, which was another wrong answer. BG went off about how I shouldn’t have said I could help her if I really wasn’t all in about it.
Sigh. Now, PhD has decided that my “I don’t know” response has really “put things into perspective”. And she’s afraid of my feelings for BG. We seem to be stuck in a game of “who should trust whom” since we both have exes that have reappeared in our lives. I don’t even know if all of this is worth it. I mean, I really like PhD. We get along so well. I may have already fallen for her. But the truth is, we’re going to be long-distance for a long ass time. One of the worst things about being long-distance is that when you have an argument or disagreement, you can’t physically see each other. You have to deal with it over Skype or the phone or through texts. Which really, really sucks.
Clearly, I still have much work to do on how I handle things in my relationships with my girlfriend and ex(es).