That Four Lettered Word

Phase 1 and 2 of the move out west are over. “The move” being moving PhD out west of course. The move out of the city was pretty seamless. It was sad to see her moving her stuff out of my place. Really solidified that she was leaving for good. The drive to Indy was uneventful, and then we had a day to relax and do some last minute things before Phase 2, which was moving her out of her apartment. Surprisingly Phase 2 was very seamless also given the fact that we hired random movers off Craiglist. Phase 3 is going to happen on Saturday which is driving the uHaul and her car out to LA from Indy. I’m excited about the road trip. She’s not so much, but I think she’s decided that it has to happen, so she shouldn’t be negative and pessimistic about it.

A big development happened last Friday. PhD admitted that she was in love with me, and that she loved me. She told me that she loved me while we were out. I was surprised given the fact that we had just had an up and down summer. She’s only the second woman to ever tell me she loved me. I didn’t reciprocate. Not because I don’t have those feelings for her. I do. We’ve known each other for over seven months now. I am completely falling for her. I just didn’t want to be that person who immediately says it after someone else does. I want to tell her in my own way. I want it to be special. I haven’t told another woman that I loved her in a long time. I know I alluded to it with BG, but I never directly told her. I was so scared with her. I thought for sure it wouldn’t be reciprocated with her. It wasn’t until after the fact that I found out that maybe she did have the same feelings for me. But at that point it was too late. That’s not going to happen with PhD. I’m going to find a special and cute way to tell her. Before I leave her in LA for the school year in NYC.

I’m in Indy now with my mom. Hanging out with my three nieces and lil sis for the next few days. The last time I was here, I was just getting to know PhD. Can’t believe where the last seven months have taken both of us. I can’t wait for PhD to get out of Btown. Get away from her memories of her exes. Her female ex continues to try to get with her. I really don’t appreciate that. I suppose PhD can’t wait for me to get away from NYC and my exes. She’s been encouraging me to sign up for a Master’s program to start online this coming year, so that I can keep myself occupied. She has a theory that whenever I get bored, I get in trouble. I can’t completely disprove her theory.

All of this transition has helped me stay away from my exes. But I still wonder about them. Care about how they’re doing. LF hasn’t gotten back in contact. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to wait for her to contact me, or whether I can reach out and see how she’s doing. I haven’t heard from BG since the last little text exchange we had.  That exchange was so unfulfilling. I don’t understand what it was about. But I know PhD has been much more secure about where we are since I’ve stopped trying to be in contact with my exes, so that may be where things have to be for now. Especially if I want things to continue going well with PhD.


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