Back to a LDR soon

It’s been a busy August so far. PhD has finally settled into her new life in LA. This is our last week together before I fly back to Indy to spend some time with my family. I can’t believe the summer is almost over. PhD and I have had some up and downs this summer, but this has made both of us realize that we can make it. We both like/love each other enough to work on our shit to keep it together. I am feeling a little anxiety about leaving her. I’m trying not to dwell on it too long. I know once school starts, I’ll be busy once again. She continues to bring up her male and female ex. Even tonight she went into a long speech about her feelings of them. I wonder when the day will come when they won’t have a hold on her.

BG recently reached out again. She actually said that she missed me and wanted to meet up. I was extremely surprised by her admission. We’ve been in contact since then. I really do hope she’s ready to be friends this time. But I guess I won’t be surprised if she changes her mind again. I enjoy knowing that I can talk to her again. Although we’ve had so many false starts that I’m afraid to get my hopes up at this point. I guess I won’t know what’s happening between us until I get back to the city. I wonder what made her change her mind. Her last words to me still resonate in my head. The whole diatribe that I was a shit human being. PhD and I were doomed. I didn’t know how to love and/or receive love. Those are some intense things to say to someone. I can’t just forget about them. I wonder how one can say things like that to someone, and then still want to have anything to do with the person. I mean BG was ready to not ever talk to me again a couple months ago. I can’t remember specifics of her messages anymore but I feel like if I had died that next day, she would have been ok with it. Maybe I’m being dramatic, but that’s what it felt like. So far we’re keeping communication light and surface level. It’ll be interesting to hang out again. Whenever we hung out before think we both felt the sexual tension in the air. I wonder if that will still be there.

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