The end of the summer with PhD has finally come. The long dreaded day that I was not looking forward to. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be though. I think it helps that I know I’m going to see her in two weeks during my long weekend in September. I’m looking forward to this year of long distance and love. I always gauge my years by my school year. The year basically starts in September and ends in June for me. We are officially “in love” mutually. I’m scared to death of course. I could get hurt. I could hurt her. All of this could be for naught. She could meet someone tomorrow who blows her away and actually lives in her same city. I came across an article that succinctly explains what I’m feeling now. I’m terrified of commitment, but I’m in a relationship anyway. That’s the title of the article, and exactly what I’m feeling. Sometimes I think, what the hell am I doing in a relationship right now. Other times, I’m really happy that I found another awesome woman to share my life with. I’ve been very lucky in the fact that I have not been lacking in awesome women to date.
September is a big month for me. Not only do I start teaching again, but all my exes AND current girlfriend have birthdays in that month. Don’t ask me how that happened. I do plan on reaching out to LF and wishing her a happy birthday. I hope I’m still talking to BG of course. My relationship with my first ex is good. She’s living in Japan now, so we text every week or so. And of course I will be back in LA at the end of September celebrating PhD’s with her. I’ve been texting a little more with BG these days. I suppose baby steps are important for us. Maybe that’s what was wrong with our previous attempts to re connect. Everything was too fast, too soon. I’m in Indy for another week before I head back to NYC. Part of me wishes I were already in NYC so I can wind down my summer there. However, I do have a mother that is very happy for me to be here. I feel like I”m in limbo though. Everything has been put on hold while I wait in the purgatory that is Indiana. Ugh. I wish I had friends here. Oh well, the last time I went out looking for a friend here, I ended up with a girlfriend.