One month in…

It’s week 4 of school now. It still feels like a new school year. We’ve had so many stops and starts. This will actually finally be our first full week (5 days of classes). It’s going to be brutal because we have Open School Night on Thursday. I keep thinking to myself, this most likely will be the last time I have to do this and that at my current school. I’m looking forward to starting a new path of my life in an established school. I started at my current school at its infancy, and there have been so many growing pains as a school. It will be nice to be in a school that has its identity and routine set in place.

I’ve just spent yet another weekend on the west coast with PhD. This one was a big one since it was her birthday weekend. We continue to get closer and continue to be more vulnerable with one another. She admitted this weekend that she originally had sent the “will you be my girlfriend card” for all the wrong reasons. She wanted to “take me off the market” so to speak. In hindsight, it was probably a good move on her part because the longer we went without being clear about what we were doing, the more likely it was for me to do my own thing here. Especially since we were long distance from the beginning. We haven’t had any more arguments or disagreements. Almost every single one we’ve had was over BG. There was one about physical affection, but that may have been me being in a bad mood.

LF and I are back talking again. I wished her happy birthday at the beginning of the month, and she didn’t seem to be receptive to talking again. However, just a couple weeks later she started talking to me, so I’m going with it. I’ve managed to not talk to BG this whole time. I still don’t like it. I still want to talk to her. But I can’t talk to her if the reason continues to be that I like(d) talking to her. I like(d) her in my life. I want to reach out to her. And it is that exact reason why I can’t be friends with her yet. This article about being friends with exes is very well-written. And I need to continue being honest with myself about my true intentions and thoughts about BG. As much as I hate it.

I’ve been trying to keep myself busy. I’ve been going to the gym A LOT. A lot for me is every day since I signed up. I’m forcing myself to go, even when I don’t want to. I haven’t seen very much progress at all, but I’m going to keep on doing it. The gym culture is a whole different world I’ve never been a part of until now. I’ve decided that one of the best places to people watch is the gym. And it doesn’t hurt that most of the women at the gym have incredible bodies.

 

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