4 Days In…

Happy New Year!!

I thought I’d start this post with a review of my resolutions last year. I kept it simple with just two resolutions:

1) stop smoking

2) live unapologetically

I’m happy to say that I have stopped smoking nicotine. I never thought I’d be able to kick that habit. After 15 years, breaking a habit like that is pretty damn hard. However, I had some help from WellButrin and Phd. Phd really stepped up and supported me throughout my quitting process. At first, I wondered if we were to break up, would I go back to smoking? But at this point, I’m happy that I’ve finally quit. I’ve also picked up some good habits of exercising and eating better. My second resolution wasn’t met consistently. There were moments, but I could definitely work on it more in the coming year. I’m still concerned about what people think and how they’re going to react. I may always be this way which is why I could never be the boss of anything!

I’ve given some thought to what I want my 2016 resolutions to be. I haven’t completely narrowed them down yet. I know one of them will be some sort of resolution for letting go. Another will be some sort of fitness resolution. I still have time to narrow it down. It’s only the 4th day of the new year!

I’ve just returned from a two week vacation out of the city. My last week in LA with Phd was a time of rest and reconnection with her. Our couple’s therapy session with the new therapist went well. Much better than the first one. This time around was the first time we were alone again in her apartment after an extended amount of time housing her cousins. We definitely enjoyed that. My pre-interview with an independent school out there went well. Although I don’t really know how to gauge it. People are always going to be nice to your face.

I haven’t reached out to BG for awhile now. I wanted to wish her well in the new year but I didn’t. I stayed quiet because I would only be reaching out selfishly. Now that 2016 has come around and 2015 is well over, I’ve realized just how toxic I had become for her. And the only way to not be toxic is for me to just stay away. I’m not sure how I will handle her reaching out, but we’ll take it one day at a time.

I’m happy to be back, although not happy that the weather has finally turned winter. 😦 California always looks better in the winter time.

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