Stupid brain. When will you learn?

My day started out on a sour note today. I had just flown in from LA from my 3rd school visit. I was in the faculty lounge, when another colleague came up to me and mentioned that he had just interviewed and been hired (on the spot!) at my first choice school (whom I have yet to hear from…) &%#$! So on top of being super exhausted from last week of writing god damn home reports, yet another school visit, and another red eye back to NYC, I spent the whole day obsessing over the fact that my first choice school hasn’t contacted me yet. UGH.

I hate caring. I hate giving any sort of attention to any one thing. I like not caring about things. Not obsessing over things. Having the general mood of I don’t have a care in the world. Which I usually don’t. This searching for a job business is messing with my vibe.

On a lighter note, I think spring has sprung in NYC. I need to cherish this last spring and summer I have in the city. I don’t think I’ll be living here again. I keep thinking of all the things I need to do while I’m still here. And then I think about the fact that I have no one to do them with. Not that I have anything against doing things alone. But it’s always more fun doing things with someone. And the first person I think of that I would want to go do things with here in NYC is BG. Even after all these months of not doing things with her. Stupid brain. When will you learn?

PhD and I had a weird-ish weekend. It all started with her hanging out with her male ex before she picked me up at the airport. She was in a very subdued mood when she picked me up. I guess she was sad that her male ex was still not over her. We were scheduled to drive down to San Diego to hang out for the weekend. We did end up doing that, but we didn’t have a lot of sex. Actually we had sex exactly one time. Half a time. Me on the receiving end. 5 minutes tops. And that’s it. There’s something that has been bothering me about this past weekend. I don’t know what it is. I just felt like PhD wasn’t all there this weekend. I guess I should talk to her about this.

I decided that I should start referring to PhD as my girlfriend or B on this blog now. PhD was a name I gave her back when we first met and I had no idea she’d be my girlfriend more than a year later. Phd sounds so cold and unfriendly. I also don’t want to call the ex I can’t stop want to stop thinking about ‘BG’ anymore. Now, I can’t even remember why I coined her BG. Maybe where she lives?

So I casually mentioned to B tonight that another one of my exes would like me to go apartment hunting with her this weekend. She didn’t sound very happy about it. She is adamant about meeting this ex. I’m fine with the two of them meeting. I think the ex is a bit uncomfortable meeting B, and I don’t feel like I can really force her. Besides, B is not going to be here in NYC for a long while. I guess I’ll broach the subject of meeting B when I see her next.

Is it too much to ask B to just be chill about people I hang out with? I don’t understand what the big deal is… Does she think I’m going to slip and fall on an exes’ pussy?

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