I had a dream about the ace last night. It wasn’t romantic at all. I seemed to be hanging out with her and a friend of hers. In fact, in the dream I remember telling her that I just couldn’t be friends with her. Is this a sign that I am finally moving on? Who knows. I came across an article that basically says that people who want to be friends with their exes are either narcissists or psychopaths… Yikes. I’ve actually stopped reaching out to another one of my exes. Mostly because she hasn’t been an initiator of communication, and I’m tired of initiating. Another one of my exes is coming back to the city for a week to visit and will actually be staying with me. It’ll be nice to see her again. We always did lots of fun things together.
I had a really nice evening by myself at a local bar. At one point I was the only one in the restaurant/bar. It was a very nice feeling having a whole bar to myself in a city like this. I’m really trying to make the most of my final days in this city. I still don’t feel completely great about moving. I have moments of excitement, and then moments of self doubt. I’m afraid that my new school is going to be a pain in the ass. Already my new principal is asking me to think about teaching a separate class with no mention of extra compensation. What the fuck? I just received the faculty handbook. So many rules! But I suppose my school has a lot of rules right now that I don’t follow at all.
B has been a bit cynical and depressive lately. I was pretty frustrated with her a couple days ago. Sometimes I have moments of panic when I think about down the road whether this cynicism and depressive-ness is going to make or break our relationship. I suppose I shouldn’t be thinking that far down the road. She’s coming to visit this weekend. This summer is going to be so different from last. I wonder how much she’ll actually be here since she’ll be teaching four courses throughout the summer. I’m sure it will be a better summer than last summer. I was not happy with the relationship last summer. At all.
I had a pretty horrendous week last week. First a 3 day two night over night with 130 7th graders. Then a weekend full with my nieces and new nephew, all under the age of 4. It was definitely not my best planning, doing those two events back to back. I was WIPED OUT yesterday. We have exactly 5 weeks left of school tomorrow. I need to figure out how I’m going to get all my stuff to LA. I have been putting it off, because I’ve been so busy, but I really need to get my ass into gear.