The Exit

Wow. I’ve really neglected to write in my blog this month. This is literally the first time I’ve had a chance to collect my thoughts and actually have some sort of rational and sensible words to put to the feelings I’ve had since leaving New York.

Life’s been busy. I left NY without any major hiccups, besides having someone bail on me and leave me hanging with a bunch of furniture I didn’t want. I executed my move in exactly the way I wanted to. I got all my packing done before B got to NY so that we had the last full week to really enjoy the city and drink to our hearts content without having to be bothered by last minute packing. My last week in NY was indeed a wonderful week of visiting my favorites, walking around, and riding the wretched subway one last time.

We hit the ground running the minute we landed in LA. Got the keys to our new apartment the next day and started painting our entirely too large apartment. We definitely bit off more than we thought when tackling the painting of 7 colors in one apartment. We spent the next 5-6 days painting. During those days I also received my car (minus $500 worth of possessions), filed my first CA police report, collected and unpacked most of my boxes from NY, refused a fridge that was an eighth of an inch too big, and still managed to hit up a couple happy hours in the neighborhood.

B and I have done well slowly merging our lives this past couple of weeks. I’m in Indiana currently to spend some time with family before I have to start work in August. We only had one fight so far and it’s been about the fact that she thinks I don’t like any of her stuff. It’s weird with her. She can say that she doesn’t like my stuff and that I shouldn’t bring it, but when I say that to her, she gets mad. It’s been like this for most of our relationship now. She gets mad when I do or say things to her that she says or does to me. Not sure if that makes sense. Maybe this is a common relationship problem? But I got really mad about it one night and left her apartment and went to our new apartment. It didn’t take long for us to kiss and make up though.

Our apartment is looking really nice these days. Furniture is assembled. Boxes unpacked. Paint dried. New fridge finally arrived today. I actually can’t wait to go back and chill in it without having to do any work while being in it. I do have a few things to unpack still, but the majority is definitely unpacked.

Leaving New York has been a bit tough. It’s almost like I’m breaking up with someone, except that someone is a city. I’ve been finding myself trying not to think about all the fun things I used to do there. I feel a sting of pain when a Facebook story or event rolls through that is NY based. I actually had to unfollow a few pages on Facebook because I really didn’t want to read about NY. It is a bit silly, but that’s the only thing I can compare it to. I don’t want to hear about any awesome new restaurants or bars popping up in NY. I don’t want to see any fun and exciting events that I would have loved to go to had I been living there. It is a definite moving on process if you leave some place that you still loved.

I made it out of NY without running into the ace again. I didn’t reach out to say a final good bye. I just left without saying a word because I didn’t know what to say nor did I have anything to say. That last week I had a couple drinks to myself and wished that I could be sharing one final drink with her, but the exit was probably best like that.

I start my new job in August. I’m actually a bit excited about teaching a new class since I’ve been teaching Pre-Algebra and Algebra for the last nine years. I can’t believe my exit from NY has finally happened. I’m still struggling with bittersweet memories of course, but as time passes I’m sure I will embrace my new love of a city, sunny and warm LA.

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Overwhelmed but Grateful

I’ve been a bit AWOL from my blog. For good reason! I’m in the midst of packing hell. Packing up 10 years of life. Throwing away 10 years of life. Sorting through 10 years of life. Many of these years spent with my first major ex. Who happened to come to visit for about a week recently. That brought up weird feelings. Her smell. Her mannerisms. It didn’t bring back feelings of wanting to get back together, but it definitely brought up deja vu feelings. Especially since I am in my last weeks here in NYC.

As I continue on this packing process, I’m trying to work through my feelings of moving on. Moving on from NYC. Moving on from exes. Moving on from one of the best experiences of my so far. The NYC experience. The gay experience. The career experience. So many experiences. I’m so grateful that I spent most of my 20s and 30s here.

I’m working on being all packed by the time B gets here. She’ll be here a week before I officially leave. I plan on enjoying the city with her that last week. Documenting my last week here. I don’t think I’ll ever live here again. I’m looking forward to my new life out west. My new life with my woman. My new life with fresh beginnings.

It’s a little overwhelming to think about at this moment.