Cheeto Dust and A Trap

WordPress would make a great partner. It never forgets an anniversary. I was reminded today that it was our 4 year anniversary together now. I started blogging 4 years ago, and damn has my life changed since then. 4 years ago I was a fresh faced early 30 year old at the end of my first major relationship with a woman. Now, I’m an almost late 30 year old in the beginning stages of what seems to be a very serious life-long relationship as long as I (or we) can keep our shit together.

4 years ago, Obama had just won re-election. Now, fucking Trump the Orange Dump has somehow tricked half of America into thinking he is capable of making America great again. Even if America needed to be made great again (which I thought America was actually really great already and has made amazing progress in the past 8 years) how in the fucking hell do people actually think that an orange misogynistic, ego maniac can lead America into a better future????? Ok. Clearly I’m still not over this. And I will not get over this for the next four years. I’m almost about to shut my facebook down because I am just sickened by everything I continue to read about his lack of policies, his appointments of documented racist/fanatic old white men (he’s thinking about appointing Jerry Falwell, Jr. as secretary of education for fuck’s sake), and all the incidents of harassment and hate crimes done in his name.  FUCK. Caliexit just needs to happen. And all my friends need to move to the new republic of California and leave the dumb asses who voted a fucking cheeto into office alone with their cheeto dust. (Sadly my family is not invited because they went along with the masses and voted for a cheeto. I am dreading Christmas vacation with them.)

I digress. I’m finally on some real vacation now. The best thing about west coast independent schools is that they all get a week off for Thanksgiving! I had a dream last night that I accepted a job at two different schools and immediately dumped my current school for the other one over the course of a weekend. I feel like I’m developing some PTSD from my current school. I really am starting to hate it and resent it. I need to stop myself from getting to that point. June is a long ways away. I’ve been starting to open up discussions with B about the possibility of me going back to NY and teaching at my old and very missed school. She did mention that she got a lot more work done when we were on two different coasts. She would never feel totally comfortable with me being in the same city as a couple of my exes and her being on the other side of the country. But, if I can’t get another good job here, that might be the best option. I could rent out a room from someone, hopefully pay around 700-800. I would most likely be happier in terms of job and environment. It would suck to be back in a LDR again though. Not sure how much longer our relationship would really last at that point. Ugh. Why couldn’t my new school be exactly like my old school except on the west coast? That would have been too easy I suppose.

B asked me what ex I missed the most the other day. Of course I said the ace. We’ve come a long way for me to be able to admit that to her. I said the ace primarily because I don’t talk to her anymore. All my other exes I talk to almost weekly. Just shooting the shit. Checking up on one another. If I could actually talk to her, I most likely would not miss her as much. B says she’s perfectly fine with me reaching out to the ace. I’m not stupid enough to fall into that trap. But I’ve been thinking about that trap a lot lately. Who’s to say the ace would even respond if I were to reach out. Beginning of December will make it a whole year since we last had any sort of real conversation. We ran into each other a couple of times after that, but it’s been a whole year.

Advertisements